Negotiation Anxiety - What to Do?

Preparation, Planning and Execution Beat Negotiation Anxiety

Negotiation is part of most jobs and certainly a part of everyone’s life, but it still strikes fear in our hearts.  This anxiety adds stress, creates worse outcomes in deals, leads to lost opportunities and generally limits one’s success in their job, career and life.  What can you do to address negotiation anxiety?

A lot of things cause negotiation anxiety, but at least in a professional context, one of the main reasons must be that people don’t understand negotiation and don’t know how to do it effectively.  Chaos creates stress and anxiety.  Putting order to the chaos and infusing a degree of control greatly reduces that stress and anxiety.

While everyone is forced to negotiate, few have real skills for it.  The vast majority of people have never been trained in negotiation at all and of those who have received training, only 10-20% report that the trainings are useful in professional performance.  

I took one training after another but did not find practical applications.  I tried the tricks and tactics I learned in the courses but fell flat every time.  There was no bridge between the courses and real life, so I had to learn by doing.  I continued learning by teaching negotiation.  As I understood negotiation better, my anxiety diminished.

I learned that the way to address negotiation anxiety is to first understand what’s going on.  Negotiation ultimately is not conflict, but rather cooperation.  Understanding that alone removes a lot of the stress and anxiety.

Next, I learned that negotiation is about achieving goals, not about winning.  Setting tangible goals provides a framework and purpose for the negotiation, removing more chaos and stress.

From there, I started formulating plans.  At first, they were vague plans, but as I built experience, I learned to create more specific plans for achieving goals and for conducting the negotiation itself.  It is one thing to set goals, but it is another ball game to create plans.  Planning brings control and structure, further diminishing stress and anxiety.

Finally, I learned that the tricks and tactics which are so often the focus of negotiation training are generally smoke and mirrors.  They are distractions and manipulations.  I understood them for what they are and relied upon preparation and planning.  This made me immune to the tricks and tactics and removed the stress they cause.